I am not getting any better

I guess my sickness is getting bad to worse. I took my medicine but it does not seems to be much help. I heard that Zhi Qiang [a Friend of mine ] is also sick. I guess the flu bug is back in town. I went off to teach tuition today. However, my kid's grandmother thought that i will be teaching tuition at 5 AM instead of PM which is kind of ridiculous. Luckily he is staying just right above me..i told his grandmother to just give me a call when he gets home. At around 8Pm i went up again and surprising my kid is quite well behaved today. A 100% passed for his spelling. I am happy and taught him something new today. The difference about has and have. He finally understood after a BIG struggle of myself in being patient. Honestly, KIDS , i have to admit i do not really know how to get along with them but still i guess i did a good job somehow =P

Went home and had a good chat with Dad and Mum. Telling them about the issue of my kid's grandmother thinking that i will be up at 5AM just to teach him tuition.We laughed about it.

I watched the TV programmes for a while before a phone call rang. It was him. I guess in a way i was waiting for him. I can't deny that i was feeling kind of upset upon hearing his voice but at the same time i was glad that he is now back in SG and he did remember to call me. We talked about some recent issues in life but in between there were moments of silence. I guess i just run out of words or something just got my tongue. I am not too sure what to say. Soon after awhile we hang up. I could not sleep though i have taken my medicine and there seems to be so much on my mind. So i decided to go online. I felt even more lousy knowing that exams are just around the corner and i am not doing much about it. There seems to be so much on my mind and i just can't get it off. I did try to study but ... i just can't. I really have no idea what's wrong with myself.

I chatted with those regulars in EDMW.. Kathy told me about her progress in studying and i felt worse. Suddenly, I hated myself for not bucking up. I guess i displayed myself in a funny way.. They were concerned about me and i told them i will be fine. YES, I WILL BE ALRIGHT! Due to the fact tat they were still talking about studies, i feel even more worse then i decided part the channel.

I went in to another channel and met a guy named Sebas. After chatting with him for a while, i feel that in a way, he does understand how i feel. I then started to empty my thoughts into him. Funny, it seems doesn't it?! I am telling so much to a stranger.

I am not too sure what is wrong with me but i just felt very wrong. Out of a sudden, i felt very lost. Lost as i do not know what should i do. All i wanted is just to be happy but why am i not? I wanted all to go away but i am unsure about what should i do to make all this go away. Perhaps today is just not my day or perhaps i might woke up at the wrong side of my bed. My heart is not at peace, my mind can't stop running. I wanted this to stop. I want to get focus. I wish to stop all this rubbish that is going on. I wanted things to be in control, wanted things to get back in place.

Perhaps the phone call earlier on did bring me a little shock.The Things he mentioned brings me confusion. This is not me. I ain't like this. Damn it, I hate this feeling...

Sebas stayed with me throughout the night. We talked about a lot of stuffs. He said he is a weirdo but honestly what is the real definition of weird. It all depends on how u see it, isn't it?! I told him to define the meaning of weird. He said not being normal. Then again, what is normal ?! Who set the rules of being normal and what is not?! I always feel that its to each his own. Its how u see things in a different view. We continued chatting and in a way he brought mi back to reality and gave some peace to me. I felt better. Maybe, somethings are much more easier to tell a stranger about then a close friend.

I don't know. I really don't know. I am so Messed Up!